Random Statement Thread II

[Bonezstorm]

What the hell happened here?

 

[HeartBroker]

It would appear, it's gone to Hell...

 

[The Yak]

I'm going to go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.

I asked an internet AI if this would be illegal:

Ha! What an interesting question! 😆 To the best of my knowledge, there is no country or jurisdiction where it is specifically illegal to microwave a bagel and then have sex with it. However, some places do have laws against engaging in public sex acts or indecency, which could potentially apply in this case, depending on the circumstances.

Of course, it's important to note that just because something isn't explicitly illegal doesn't mean it's socially acceptable or a good idea. For one thing, bagels aren't particularly...well, sexy. And microwaving them might not be the most appealing way to prepare a bagel, to say the least.

But to sum up, while it's unlikely that you'll be arrested for microwaving and loving a bagel, it's still probably not a great idea to try it out. And if you do, maybe keep it in the privacy of your own home, for everyone's sake! 🤣

 

[Bonezstorm]

It's Bart's moon party from outer space with R2D2 playing the bass!

 

[The Yak]

I like jump rope.

 

[Bonezstorm]

Lisa needs braces!

 

[The Yak]

I didn't know happiness until I was denounced in an open letter.

 

[The Yak]

I do not understand why wait staff at restaurants become visibly annoyed with me when I conclude my order with "and please don't spit in it". Do they want to spit in my food? I do not think I am being unreasonable with that request.

 

[Bonezstorm]

In Germany we say: "You are what you eat."
But I don't remember eating a miserable piece of shit.

 

[Bonezstorm]

I want sex

 

[The Yak]

The following should be entirely legal:

Go to a public pool and find an occurrence of someone leaving their personal items - shoes, beach towel, bag - on some of the pool chairs as a means of reserving them for their own use. I want to wait by such a pool chair which has been "reserved" through the use of shoe. When the person returns, I would scream "I STUCK YOUR SHOE IN MY ASS!!!!!!" and proceed to chase them around the pool area until they must jump into the pool to escape the lunatic in the Carolina Panthers Hawaiian shirt.

This is actually a breakdown of what I was originally going to write which I abandoned because I'm lazy. I was going to the make the above account be much more first person so it sounds like I'm talking about a situation I just had at a swimming pool where I had a dispute with someone reserving a pool chair. Everyone was supposed to imagine me at a pool this Memorial Day weekend and think 'Guess the old Yakster is traveling during the holiday weekend and is at a pool'. This would be inaccurate. Didn't travel this weekend. Just sitting at home alone. Why do I think about sticking a shoe in my rectum when I am sitting at home alone? Who can say?

Yes, I posted that in another link before posting it here. I have visions of people reading that one, then finding this one and assuming I'm some ballsack because I posted the same thing in multiple places? They seem me as some self-important douchebag who would post something in multiple places because I'm so wonderful. Well at least I'm aware of it.